Not anymore. The way divorce used to work in most states was that a grievance would be brought by one partner or the other and that particular grievance would either be grounds for divorce or not. A cheating husband or cheating wifewas often grounds for divorce because the loyal partner was so insulted and humiliated the chances for reconciliation were slim. Eventually most state legislatures were told to mind their own business when it came to a reason for divorce and they responded by giving couples complete frankness to divorce if there were “irreconcilable differences.” Now a couple can divorce each other very easily; at least as far as most states are concerned.
Is a Cheating Husband Really a Excellent Reason for Divorce?
I have been questioned this question a number of times and my answer is not always the same. There are questions I question in return:
Do you have any children? How long have you been married? Are there drugs and alcohol involved? Is there any physical spousal abuse involved? How many times have either of you been married?
As you can see by the questions the answer is not always so simple. It is vital of course for spouses to be loyal to one another, but it is also vital for spouses to know what marriage is and what behaviors work within a marriage to enhance all of the goals each person has when they get married.
The huge problem in our society is that nobody knows what the heck marriage is and nobody understands the very basics of relationship building. The role models for a pleased marriage are nowhere to be found in our society. Television sitcoms, parents and other relatives, and schools that don’t have any “how to live” programs or education, all sent you into the deep end of marriage life without so much as a travel pamphlet to guide you. So it isn’t 100% honest to expect people to suffer through a blistering marriage without some breakdowns.
In just about every case, infidelity is a manifestation of ignorance-driven frustration and so carries a small less of the taint of evil than we would normally lay at the door of to it.
Infidelity is Not Excusable, but should Not be Punishable by Death of the Marriage
Every couple who came to see me where there was infidelity, was able to rescue and revivify their marriage.
In fact, they went on to have incredible marriages because once they learned how to be married, the normal evil actions of that infidelity were understood and place into a context of non-judgment.
If your husband is cheating on you, I recommend you shift your perspective and recognize his weakness rather than his treachery. Read my Lessons For A Pleased Marriage so you can have a deep understanding of what produced his infidelity. Until then, don’t imagine even for a second that it is your flaw. Even those ladies who protest and say they don’t take on any of the blame, there is always a small bit of questioning in their minds as to whether they were adequate wives or not.
Lastly, if you are not married but reading this to see what you should do about a cheating boyfriend or fiance, my answer is very simple: go on. A man who is not completely caught up in the joys and excitement of marrying you is not worthy of your commitment to him.
Marriage is meant to be joyful and simple, but our culture has done nothing to educate you. Once you gather this simple math of marriage a very pleased family life is assured; but until then you are groping in the dark. Strike the match of education to light your way to happiness.